Di Has Stories…

(and they’re all true)

What Happens When You Spend Too Much Time With the Green-Toews July 16, 2009

Filed under: home life,Minnesota,my sweetie — Diana @ 7:14 pm

Actual conversation:

Me:  Barb says there’s a Sonic by her folks’ house, kind of behind Southtown.

Jeff:  The mall?

Me:  No, that’s Southdale.  Southtown is over on Penn and 494.

Jeff:  What’s the difference between the two?

Me:  Only Southtown has been written about by The Hold Steady.

 

Blog Dump – Long Past Due July 28, 2008

In Which We See Cute Things and Receive Spiritual Guidance from I Can Has Cheezburger

In Which We See Awesome Things That I Or Someone I Love Need To Purchase Post Haste

Pickle Jar With Fork from Ooh-Shiny.Net  (Sarah, I’m looking at you)

The Agreeable Sheep from Ooh-Shiny.Net  (Heather?)

Puppet Hoodie from Ooh-Shiny.Net (This one is for me, but it’s not in my size….do these things stretch in the wash?)

The Urban Homestead: Your Guide to Self-sufficient Living in the Heart of the City on Boing Boing.  (Sarah, you again)

Roku: $100 gadget for watching Netflix movies on your TV (Freaking EVERYONE!  This looks awesome!!)

Portable cardboard toilet on BoingBoing.  Yes, the Shit Box.  My beloved has decided that, because we only have one bathroom, he needs a bucket with a toilet seat in the garage in case we both have the flu or something at the same time.  Last time we were at Home Depot he bought the seat for it.  For the record, I have been lobbying for the installation of a random basement toilet, but so far he’s not going for it.  As a resonable second, I think that we should at least get a shit box.  If I’m going to be emptying my bowels in the garage, I want a proper receptacle.  Those of you that Twitter will find that this is my new icon.  This is why I should never, ever show Christy funny stuff while I am drunk.  When she says, “that would make a great icon”, I’m on it like white on rice.  However, even when I sobered up I still thought it was pretty awesome.

In Which We Have A Commentary On My Job, Which I Am Not Currently Working

From GraphJam:

In Which The Holiest Part of Christianity is Blasphemed for Our Personal Pleasure

From Loltheist:

In Which We Listen In On Conversations:

So I’m Sorry I Did That, Amber  (from Overheard Everywhere)

English teacher: Calling someone a douche is not a constructive comment, even if it’s true.
Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina

The Pen Had It Comin’! (from Overheard in Minneapolis)

Metro Transit phone employee (on speakerphone): Take the sixteen bus towards…
18 year old girl trying to get directions: Wait, wait you’re talking too fast and my pen died.
Metro Transit phone employee: You killed your pen? You heartless BITCH.

Univeristy/ sixteen bus line
Overheard by Death to ink.

Relax, I’m Just Horngry (from Overheard in the Office)

Financial specialist, in front of his pregnant wife/coworker: God, I would nail someone if they had some bacon right now!
Wife/coworker: What the hell is wrong with you?
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: God Help Me

Then How Come It Got Me More Time on My SATs? (from Overheard in the Office)

Boss on phone: That is not clinical! Being an asshole is not a clinical condition.
Ginko Industrial Park
Warminster, Pennsylvania

Is It Still a Place Where You Wash Your Hands? (from Overheard in the Office)

Kitchen grunt: You ever poop and suddenly find the world a better place?
Main Street
Greenwood, Indiana

Overheard by: RDC

In Which We Are Surprised.  Wait, No We Aren’t

U.S. still flunks healthcare test, group says

Absolutely fucking OUTRAGEOUS! by Paulius

Fox’s “Anti-Aging Fix” for McCain by Technology Expert

Larry Craig, Daniel Vitter Co-Sponsors of “Marriage Protection Amendment” by Technology Expert

Vampire babies on the attack! by Jen

In Which I Have A Whole Other List of Books To Check Out

List of every book read by Art Garfunkel since 1968.  I’d like to point out that Art started this list the very month and year that my beloved was born.  And that while Art is referenced in this article as a “voracious” reader, he averages about two books per month.  This year, I am averaging two per year.  And I really need to get going on cataloging them.

Speaking of books, some of my favorite books when I was a kid (and even now, I’ll admit it) were the Anne of Green Gables series by L.M. Montgomery. 100 Candles Anne of Green Gables grows old and gets her due. When my mom introduced me to Anne, the books were actually out of print in the states, and I read the same copies that she had read as a child…the hardbound editions with all of the dust covers missing.  For years I thought I was named after Diana Barry, Anne’s best friend, my dad recently told me he picked the name from the Paul Anka song.  When my oldest sister was born, when I was 11, I was allowed to pick her middle name.  I choose Anne.  Although my sister didn’t grow up to be a sassy redhead (wait, yeah she did), she can at least say – for sure! – that she was named after Anne of Green Gables.

In Which I Find New Websites to Waste My Time With

Things I Should Throw Out: Clippings From The Eighties

In Which I’m Just….Amazed.  And A Bit Disturbed

Man electrocutes pickle to demonstrate power of Christianity So, because I don’t love Jebus, I will not glow in the dark and I can’t make any difference in the world?  What?

In Which I’m Just Amazed

The Pregnant Man.  I cried recently when I learned that Thomas Beatie and his wife had safely delivered their little girl.  While I might just be a little sensitive about the whole having-babies thing right now, it makes me so happy when people who desperately want children are able to have them, in whatever way it happens.  Birth, adoption, whatever – these people wanted an expression of their love for each other in the form of a child, and they were able to do it in an unconventional way.  It’s beautiful.  It would have been beautiful if they’d been able to do it in a “normal” way, too, but then the rest of us wouldn’t have been able to share in the joyous birth of a child who was so, so wanted.

In Which There Is a Gratuitous Post About Bacon

In Which Women Smarter Than I Talk About Life and Other Big Things

Is HAES Unhealthy? by Well-Rounded Mama

Yeah, whatever, Kate Moss by peggynature

The cult of dieting by attrice

Possibly, The Most Tasteless CUSS Post to Date by Suzanne

ChronicBit: Lab tests demystified Via Lab Tests Online, where you can search for just about any test and learn what it means. Excellent tool for us Babes… thanks for the top, ChronicPal Shannon!

Family Pride by Happy Villain

Eye-Opener by Happy Villain

 

Apparently my husband is too good for me June 9, 2008

Filed under: fun stuff,my sweetie — Diana @ 11:17 am

114

As a 1930s husband, I am
Very Superior

Take the test!

 

Just an average 30’s housewife

Filed under: fun stuff,my sweetie — Diana @ 11:12 am

52

As a 1930s wife, I am
Average

Take the test!

It asked if I wore red nail polish…wonder what this quiz would think of my purple toes? 🙂

 

One Year Ago Today March 17, 2008

Filed under: my sweetie,wedding — Diana @ 7:24 am

453309218_2ee1965eef.jpg

 

V-Day February 12, 2008

Filed under: home life,my sweetie — Diana @ 1:22 pm

I love Valentine’s Day.  Not for the Celebrating our Love bullshit that’s supposed to go on – because Jeff and I have built that into our every day lives, as should everyone! – but because the best literature about the day comes out.

I present this year’s early front runner, Twisty:

http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2008/02/12/how-cheap-is-your-love/

 

Um, Awesome October 5, 2007

Filed under: my sweetie — Diana @ 2:59 pm

If you Google for “Jeff and Diana”, my blog entry on our wedding day is the first thing up….

I kinda rule.  🙂

 

Conversations on the Way to Work July 27, 2007

Diana:    I had a dream last night that I was trying to get out of the last hour of work, so I snuck into another         department’s meeting. It was about the Four Types of Bling.

Jeff:     What are the four types of bling?

Diana:   I dunno.

Jeff:     Do you suppose that they would be categorized by type, like rings, necklaces…?

Diana: Nooooo…..

Jeff:     Or by lots of diamonds….?

Diana: Or how about by wearer of bling? Like, Suburban Housewife Bling….Gangsta Bling…?

Jeff: Cheesy white guy bling….?

 

So? What do YOU think are the categories of bling?

 

 

Valentine’s Day, Di-Style February 15, 2007

Filed under: my sweetie,work work work — Diana @ 9:40 am

I’ve never been known for my ability to pull off holidays or special occasions with flare and/or style, so let it be known to all and sundry that Valentines Day 2007 was no exception.

It started out with a phone call to my (step)dad, which has resulted in some wedding modifications.  I’m not sharing what they are in public, but let’s just say that changes have been made, I am excited about them, and you should Watch This Space for exciting details!

  Aren’t we cute??

A few weeks ago, HR Gal at The Religious Organization for Which I Work and I decided to reprise a project that the Organization had done for a few years and then stopped a couple of years ago.  It involved collecting toys and personal hygeine products and snacks for kids that live in one of the homeless/low income projects run by Sharing and Caring Hands, which is where we also send groups to volunteer once per month (that’s one of my ongoing projects here at Organization).  Sounds neat, right?

Well, it’s been a clusterfuck since the very beginning.  The activities team decided to sponsor it, at the request of HR Gal, but management decided that they wanted no work time spent on the project.  Well, that’s ok, the Team decided, we’ll use our breaks and lunch and do stuff after work.  So, with some significant begging on my part to one member of managment that I have a good relationship with, and a complete re-working of the project, we got it rammed through.

Good to go, right?  Uh, no.  The rest of the team figured out that using no work time meant using no work time and decided that if this was a project sponsored by the Orgnaization, then the Organization should damn well pay them for their time, and dropped out one by one.  One member got all offended because, although I am NOT a part of the activities committed (nor is she), I did not come and personally kiss her ass and ask her to contribute (I didn’t know that kind of personal attention was warrented and she decided that she would not participate in the activity.  That’s ok – you’re hurting homeless kids, not me, Scooter.  (This is the same woman that got mad because she signed up to volunteer at Sharing and Caring Hands a few months ago, and when she got there found out that the woman who runs it is Catholic, and very faithful, and she hadn’t been “warned” about it.  Number One:  do your research.  You knew who the organization was, and have the resources to check it out.  It’s not a secret that this is a Catholic organization.  Number Two:  you work for a religious organization.  Although it’s not Catholic, if Jebus offends you, you are in the wrong damn place!)

So, it ended up being me that did all the work.  Even HR Gal had to drop it, as her boss was not in favor of the whole thing.  I did all the coordination, communication, shopping, and drop off.  I’m not even going to mention the fiasco with Finance and the check that got lost.

I felt like The Little Red Hen .

The good news is, MY boss is not an asshole, and let me leave two hours early to drop the booty off to the shelter .  This was a bit of a chore, as it involved four giant Target bags on the bus back to the abode, and then took the car over there.  Unfortunately, the center had just opened up for the afternoon, so I wasn’t able to hang out and get to watch the kids enjoy the goodies. Oh, well.

Back to the abode, where I tore into the new book that had arrived from my friend, Paperback Swap.  Today’s treat:  Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore.  If I may make a sidenote about Christopher Moore:  He.fucking.rules.  I read Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal last year, and nearly tore muscles from laughing, and Bloodsucking Fiends promises to deliver the same.  One more book like this one, and he’s firmly on the list of favorite authors.

Anywho, I was reading in order to let my beloved get a little bit more sleep.  I had kept him up late that morning what with the wedding emergency, and I knew he was tired.  I had about half an hour of reading time before he came wandering out to let me know he was up, and so I went into the bedroom to have some cat-free snuggling time with my sweetie and to exchange our Valentine’s Day gifts.  Because we’s po, we had done homemade things – I made him one of my “art projects” and he had written me a love letter.  Tears were shed.  It was all sqishy and squee.

One of my favorite bands, Storyhill, was in town last night, so The Sweetie and I had tickets to go see them.  After our mini-Valentine’s day celebration/presents, he went to take a shower, and I was going to have a wee nap, and then we were going to have dinner, and head over to the Varsity to see the band.  Well, he ended up having a really long shower, and I slept too long, so there was no dinner for us! We hauled ass over to the Varsity, only to find out that I was wrong (again) – the show started an hour later than I thought, and the doors weren’t open yet.  In fact, the doors opened 15 minutes late, and we were standing out in the cold for about half an hour.

Once we got inside, though, we thought it was worth it.  The Varsity is beautiful inside – all old rugs and big, squishy chairs and lamps and candles and glow lights (there’s a great picture here).  Relaxing, and romantic, and HAE butt-friendly.  We were able to get a big comfy chair for me and a nice straight chair for Jeff in a cornor by a lamp with a great view of the stage.  Oh, did I mention the full bar where I was able to get a coffee and Bailey’s to warm my bones?  Yep, BIG fan of the Varsity.

Brian Joseph was the opener, and once again the Storyhill guys have introduced me to more music that I love.  They are always really good about realizing that the opener is the opener, and that no matter how good they are, no one wants to hear them for more than half an hour.  After half an hour, he was off, and Storyhill was on.

They’d been on for maybe half a dozen songs when a guy in a long coat comes up on the stage.  This is highly unusual – this is a folk band.  People are sitting on the ground, drinking beer, having a laid back time.  People don’t rush the stage at Storyhill.  Women don’t throw their bras onstage.  It’s usually a very mellow time.  In fact, I remember a time back in Mankato, at the Coffee Hag, when two high school kids showed up and were trying to be cool and dance.  Finally, someone went up and told them to sit the fuck down.  You don’t dance at a Storyhill concert.

But I digress.  The trenchcoat guy pulls the band aside, and has a few words with Chris and John.  They look confused.  Trenchcoat takes the mic.  The rest of us look confused.   Turns out that Trenchcoat is the owner of The Varsity and he is there to inform us that the Fire Marshall is shutting the concert down.

That’s right.  A folk music show was shut down due to overcrowding.

WTF?

In theory, we are supposed to be getting notification that we will be getting vouchers for another show, and I’m going to hold on to them until Storyhill comes back to town.  I think that any other day, I would have been really mad about the whole thing, but everything else had gone so badly, I just had to laugh.

Happy V-Day!

 

The TP drama continues…. October 25, 2006

Filed under: my sweetie — Diana @ 11:27 am

Last night, in an effort to feed ourselves, the Sweetie and I went grocery shopping.  We spent far less than I thought we had, considering the amount we had in the cart (my, does SuperTarget run some beautiful sales!), then packed up and went out to the car to go home and cook the bounties of our excursion (a Tombstone.  We killed it ourselves.)
When Jeff opened the trunk of the car, I saw a large package of….Quilted Northern.
“Did you by toilet paper?” I asked
“Yes.”
“I thought we had a bunch that you brought home from work.”
“We do.  But I want to save that until we move to the new house.”
“Huh?”
“We can use this now, and then use the other stuff when we buy a new house.”
“Why?”
“Well, that makes sense, doesn’t it?”
“Uh….no?”
“Yes, it does.”

(Giggle)  I wonder, if I hadn’t seen in in the trunk, if he would have passed the good stuff off as “something he found in the linen cupboard” that I hadn’t seen….