…is through, to paraphrase the Robert Frost quote that Sarah emailed me this morning.
And what am I trying to get through? Well, life in general is a bit sucky right now, and I am feeling a bit “why-me” ish. The major categories:
Busy. Lots and lots of meeting from now until December 20. And lots of office politic-y drama, which I bloody hate. And, to keep me nice and confused, the starter of all of the drama, and instigator of lots of gossip, was especially nice to me today, which makes me paranoid, because most days I barely get anything unless she wants something. Maybe she wants something. And, just because I am feeling petty, the payroll schedule is changing from semi-monthly to bi-weekly. Ok, maybe I’m a freak, but I loved being able to budget semi-monthly!! Although, there is that third paycheck phenomena that I seem to remember being pretty cool….
Not yet final.
Not looking good. Got a call from the caretaker yesterday who informed me that not only is my credit crap (duh), but that there is a notation on my credit report that we “skipped” out on the apartment in Minneapolis (ah, yes, Brad strikes again). So, they will rent to me if I either (a) pay double damage deposit (uh, don’t have it), or (b) get a cosigner (not ready for that one yet). They are not “denying” me, but they want to do more “research”. Even best case scenario, there ain’t no way that I am moving in January. Which completely sucks.
Still on, but I kind of want to kick her mother-in-law for making her so uptight about the whole thing. Damn it, weddings are supposed to be fun, and it just never seems like that for the poor bride.
Sucks a**. Haven’t heard from Andrew in ages. Guess he’s done with me. Can’t even get other boys to reply to my emails. And, being bloated, I’m feeling pretty darn unattractive. And, for some reason, I really, really don’t want to sleep alone tonight. I don’t want sex or anything (well, I guess I wouldn’t turn it down), I’d just like to not be alone at this point in my life, and be able to curl up to someone in our bed, and feel him against me all night. I miss being loved, and am not quite sure how to find it. And right now not feeling terribly confident that I ever will.
For the last almost year, it seems that everytime I get a little bit ahead, or make any kind of plans, or am a bit excited about something, Fate slaps me upside the head and says, “Bitch, who’s in charge here?” and puts everything back the way she likes it. I’m getting irritated with her. But, that obnoxious optimistic side of my personality (the one that keeps my head out of the oven) tells me that this is all happening for a reason, that I will be a better person for it, and that everything will work out the way that it is supposed to.
That side had better be right.