Di Has Stories…

(and they’re all true)

Jebus DOES Answer Prayers! June 9, 2005

Filed under: adventures in dating — Diana @ 8:39 pm

Thank you, Jebus!

Got the message below from last night’s date:

Thanks for joining me for dinner last night. The food was good as was the conversation. However to be honest, I felt more of a friend vibe than any real chemistry…so not sure what happens from here….?


Dear Jebus June 8, 2005

Filed under: adventures in dating — Diana @ 8:37 pm


Just got back from another first date. For those of you that are just joining us, I have been out of the dating pool for a while, and am not back trying to find Mr. Right. Or at least Mr. Doesn’t Make Me Vomit.

So, I found this one on The Onion Personals. I tend to likeThe Onion cause it has relatively nifty and liberal guys – for the most part you don’t get supporters of the Moral Majority on that one.

This guy seemed pretty cool – divorced, couple of kids that live at a distance (sorry to be petty, but I kind of like it like that), employed. Talked over email for a couple days, and then he asked me out. We made arrangements to meet at the Roasted Pear in Burnsville, which I had never heard of.

Met him there tonight. The Roasted Pear is a restaurant that is trying to be unique, but has all the signs of something that is going to soon emerge into a chain. It has good, but not terribly interesting food, and the ambiance leaves a bit to be desired – bad, bad music and the decor isn’t really pulled together. It looks kind of like a Bakers Square that’s tried to class itself up.

Here are some of the evening’s hightlights:

  • We sit, and he orders wine. Zinfandel. Now, again call me petty, but I beleive that you can tell a lot about a person by their selection in alcohol. In my world, real men don’t drink lite beer. They also don’t drink Zinfandel. That’s too wussy even for me.
  • I am informed that I can order anything that I want…as long as it’s not over four dollars. And then he chuckles at his own cleaverness.
  • He uses the “quotation marks” with “everything” including “things” that don’t need to “be”. And it’s “fucking annoying”.
  • Divorced (not that there’s anything wrong with that), and not sure where he’s “at” emotionally. Was “very depressed” this winter, and seems to have some good anger toward the X (again, not that there’s anything wrong with that – I hate mine with an unholy passion most days – but it’s not exactly date material).
  • Christian. Very much so. Weekly church services and daily prayers. Again, ok…but not for me.
  • Thinks that the Minneapolis smoking ban is ridiculous, and doesn’t beleive that the government should interfere with private business (yes, do we smell a bit of Republican here)?
  • When I ordered a salad, he wanted to know if I had something against meat. My salad actually included chicken and bacon (and again cemented my theory that Everything is Better with Bacon).
  • Found out I had pets – wanted to know if I was a “Cat Lady.”
  • Disclosed that he doesn’t have any money (who the hell does?), and that he bought a house he can’t afford, has no cash and lots of credit, so if he wants something, he’ll “just buy it” on credit, and gave me a rundown of all the useless things that he’s bought in the last few days…all on plastic…

Now, he’s not a bad person, just a total social moron, and lacking in any kind of idea of dating etiquette. He’s SO not my lobster.

And, of course, he thinks I’m fabulous, and will be emailing me tomorrow. Today’s Poll: How do you tell someone that you know, in your heart, is going to continue to ask you out with a determination that would made Lance Armstrong a pushover, that you would really prefer if he lost your number???


By popular request…Di’s Dating Sagas…. June 3, 2005

Filed under: adventures in dating — Diana @ 8:44 am

And so, I again find myself single. To make a long story short, Fabulous John of several posts ago was unable to rise to the occasion, if you catch my drift, and instead of dealing with it like a man, he decided to get rid of me, the “reminder” of his “failure”. Whatever.

And, as a result, my new and improved ad is back up on the Onion Personals (you can check me out at 21_seeking_42).

I was telling Barb about one of the responses last night, and she said that I needed to start blogging my dating life, as these stories are just too funny to keep to myself. So, here we go….

I’d been back on The Onion for a couple of days, and got an email from AntiGWBush. Well, gosh, that sounded promising…I, myself, am Anti-GWBush. I clicked on the profile first (go ahead, do it…) and was a bit concerned – I mean, I hate GW, but there is a limit to how much I can bring that into every day conversation. Then, I read his email….below, in red, for your personal amusement:

I thought your profile sounded interesting so I thought I would contact you. I never know what people want to know about me, but I will do my best to write something somewhat interesting.

I am a person who has spent the last decade of my life waking up to the world around me. I graduated from high school without much clue of what I wanted to do with my life. I was very complacent and thought I could get by the way most people got by, that is working in the corporate world. After spending some time doing this however I realized how badly I was being exploited by the people in power along with everyone else that I worked with. I decided that I could no longer work for any company that operated as if profit came before people.

Five years after my high school graduation I decided that I needed to educate myself so that I could effectively challenge the powerful. I started going to college in 2001, and during the first few weeks of class the attacks of September 11th happened. I watched as many Americans suddenly began to blindly follow the Bush Administration into a war which I knew would kill far more civilians than terrorists.

I was an extremely shy person in the past, but when I was confronted with the prospect of living in a country which blindly went to war without a thought of the consequences that war would have on innocent people, I knew I had to speak out. It seemed at first as if I was the only person opposing the war in Afghanistan at first, but as I talked to more people I realized that there were many others who had similar feelings.

I was worried that the Bush Administration was more concerned about spreading American power, than they were about fighting terrorism. When they announced they were going to attack Iraq I felt I had to continue fighting against their plans, so I became more closely involved in the protest movement.

I am not trying to tell you my life story here, I just want to give you an idea of who I am and what is important to me. So let me just wrap up by saying that I just graduated from Hamline University last week, and am now looking to find a job which will either allow me to continue to advocate for causes which are important to me or allow me to serve underprivileged people.

One of the things that attracted me to your ad was that you said you wouldn’t drive a car if you didn’t have to. I rarely drive myself, and I am also a big supporter of mass transit. I may be forced to get a car soon, because I need to be able to get to work somehow but I almost feel guilty in doing so. I realize the destruction that our appetite for fossil fuels has on our environment, and there is nothing more important to me than our planet.

Anyways, I will let you respond if you want to know more about me. Feel free to ask me any questions. If you are interested in a picture I should be able to find one soon, I just don’t have it posted online at this moment.

I guess what I am looking for is just someone who is honest about who they are, and someone who believes in working to make the world better. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be an activist, it just means that you recognize the impact that your life has on others and work towards living that life in the best way possible. I realize that my views are often quite radical, and I by no means expect that you will always agree with them. All that I expect is that you remain open minded and don’t just blindly follow me or anyone else.

I am basically just looking for an egalitarian relationship, where we are both equals. My major in college was Sociology, so I understand gender roles and the paternalistic hierarchy that exists in this country. I am a man who is not ashamed to admit that I am a feminist, and I could not in good conscious enter a relationship in which I was expected to take charge over a woman’s life. I want to be with a woman who is not ashamed that she is a woman, and does not look to men to guide her life. Some women say they want to be treated as a princess, the thing they don’t realize is that far too often the prince grows to be far more powerful than the princess. I am looking for a woman who doesn’t want to be treated as a princess, but rather wants to be treated as an equal. I believe that the only healthy human relationships are equal relationships, and if you agree then you should contact me.

First of all, holy fuck! That’s a mouthful!

Second, my reasons for not wanting to own a car are primarily not ecological. I mean, I believe in Loving Your Mother and all that shit. But, the real reason is that it irritates me that I pay more for my transportation costs in a month than I do for my rent, and that’s just bloody wrong. And, if we had better mass transit in this town, there would be less congestion on the freeways, and I’d be able to use it, and therefore have more reading time in a day. I heart mass transit.

Third, Jebus. I don’t think it’s a big secret that I’m a liberal, but this guy is too liberal even for me. I have this terrible vision of every conversation revolving against GW (since, even his favorite love scene in movie had a GW reference). Every activity would be some sort of Anti-GW demonstration. I’d have to sell my car so as not to be a sell out to Big Oil (not like I haven’t already considered that). I’d probably have to give up my crafting, so as not to conform to the stereotypical roles of women in the home, and learn to be an equal member of a relationship (and, I’m sure that the fact I enjoy those activities is just proof of the brainwashing that I have been subjected to as a woman). And I’m pretty sure sex would be less about getting off than making some sort of political statement. (On the plus side, if he’s so into equality, maybe I could have a decent orgasm…).

Maybe being single isn’t so bad……


Blasts from the Past April 6, 2005

Filed under: adventures in dating — Diana @ 1:11 pm

I have learned that every man lives not through care of himself, but by
love ~ Leo Tolstoy

Sunday night, I was at home alone feeling sorry for myself. I’d had a fantastic date on Friday night with a guy that I had been unwilling 37 times a day for a week (literally), but hadn’t heard from him since, and had gotten a weird vibe from at the end of the date (the, I don’t think I’m going to see you again vibe).

The Sara/hs and I had a craft day all day, and I was obsessing over not only this but my love life in general. And I had pretty much decided that I was gonna call it quits, turn 30 and become a lonely old cat woman. They left, and I was just hanging out, talking to Winona Boy on line, and hoping against hope that Friday Night Boy would get online, too.

And then my cell phone rang. I didn’t recognize the St. Paul number, and picked up to hear, “Hi, Diana? This is John. We dated last summer?”

(For those of you just joining the program, some background: John and I had met on Match, and gone out for a few weeks. We’d had a wonderful time, great connection – both mental and physical – and everything seemed to be going great. Introduced him to the friends, and they loved him. Then, one day, he called, said he’d met someone else….I was devastated).

To summarize, he said that he’d been dating someone at the same time he was seeing me, and he had to make a decision between the two of us, and in his words, he made the wrong decision. 🙂 He said he’d been a bit weirded out by the fact that I was still married (and who can blame him?).

He asked if we could start over again.

I said yes.

(Please, oh, please, yes!)

We met at Dunn Bros. for coffee that night – he greeted me with a kiss, and it was like we’d never spent these months apart. Took a walk, sat outside for a while (yes, it was 70 degrees on April 3…).

He said that he’d always wondered what would have happened if we hadn’t broken up.

I said we should find out.

We went to my place, and snuggled for a while. He kissed me and told me that he dreamed of having the opportunity again….

I’ve never been so happy. Please, please, please may this work…


Things I Learned About Myself February 9, 2005

Filed under: adventures in dating — Diana @ 8:41 pm

It is not the goal but the way there that matters, and the harder the way the more worthwhile the journey ~ Wilfred Thesiger

The whole Dean Drama is over.

After worrying about it, and being more nervous for out meeting than for anything else I can think of in recent memory, it’s all done.

I went to meet him at the Indian place by my work, and he was way late – so late that I was thinking that I’d been stood up, and was about to head to McDonald’s for sustenance, and back to work. I saw him, finally, standing outside waiting for me. I leaned out the front door and asked, “You didn’t think I was going to stand out here and freeze my ass off waiting for you, did you?”

We had lunch – buffet – and talked. Got caught up on what had happened in the three and a half years since we’d last seen each other (that was the first question he asked – how long as it been?). He’s still cute. He’s still funny. He still has a great job and loves public radio, and goes fishing for muskie.

And, during the lunch, the realization finally came to me that, despite all the thoughts to the contrary over the last three and a half years – through all the times I thought of him while I was married, and all the times I fantasized about getting back together after the marriage ended – he is not my lobster.

Maybe he was three and a half years ago. Maybe he was perfect for the 26-year-old Di, the one that wanted to save him, and was amused by his constant commentary on those around him. But the 29-year-old Di needs more, and doesn’t want to live in the ‘burbs, and has experienced too much to settle with someone who doesn’t see things the same way. I saw that if, by some chance, he lost the two year girlfriend (with whom things are “fine”, but he wants to flirt with me), that either I would be back in the same, not-quite-me wife rut, or that I wouldn’t be able to satisfy him either, and in a couple of years some other old girlfriend will come out of the woodwork.

No, thanks. I’ll keep looking for Lobbie (as Sarah refers to him), and be grateful that I learned my lesson.


Regrets….I’ve had a few…. February 1, 2005

Filed under: adventures in dating — Diana @ 9:39 pm

And one of them sent me an email last week.

About three and a half years ago, I met Dean on Yahoo personals (back when they were free!). After a bunch of emails (like, 20 a day) we got together – our first date was at the MIA, and due to an ongoing joke we’d had about my knees, I bought my first short skirt in years to wear to the date (I still have it). He was wounded (just like I like ’em) from a recent divorce. We hit it off, talked for hours.

Went out a few more times – took him to the fire tower in my St. Paul neighborhood (I was hoping he’d kiss me – he didn’t). We both got off early on September 11, and hung out that afternoon, talking about what had gone on.

He went on a sabbatical in late September – the company he worked for at the time gave every employee six paid weeks off every four years to do whatever you wanted. He rented a cabin in Wisconsin to go muskie fishing (he’s a fanatic). Kissed me for the first time as he was leaving my place the night before he left. Called me from a bar in town (no phone in the cabin) the last weekend of his sabbatical, and decided to come home early to see me. Made out like bandits that night, until he ran away. Didn’t hear from him for a couple weeks.

In the meantime, I meet FW. Shagged him. Had to tell Dean that I couldn’t see him anymore, because my rule of thumb is once you shag someone, you should not be shagging anyone else (and I SO SO wanted Dean…but he wasn’t ready).

Two months later, Dean emailed me to see if it was his turn. But I was already engaged…he lamented the bad timing.

Flash forward two years. FW has left me. The divorce is in the works. And I swear on everything that is sacred to me, one of the first thoughts I had after FW left was, I need to get in contact with Dean.

Because, I had never forgotten about him. Regretted that I had given him up for FW – someone who so could have been a match for someone who so wasn’t. Thought about him all the time. And even FW knew it – one time when he was lamenting about how I could have done better, I told him about Dean, and, trying to be a good wife, told him that I had chosen HIM over someone who was successful in his career, owned his own home, etc. And I think that he knew that I was carrying a torch for Dean.

So, I did a bit of research, and while I couldn’t remember his email address, I did find his real address online. So, I dropped him a card – hey, how you doing, wanna catch up sort of thing. Figured I’d never hear anything.

Two days later, I got an email from Dean.

Then followed three days of flirtatious email. Very steamy. When I finally asked him out, he informed me that he had a gf. Not cool. But lamented how he should have taken the opportunity that was presented to him in the past. Told me that he was still kicking himself, and had replayed that night over and over in his mind, but changed the ending….

So, I wrote him off. Had a girlfriend. Well, at least I knew. Bad timing again. And maybe just not meant to be altogether. Being the sentimental fool that I am, I kept all of his emails. Finally decided it was stupid a couple weeks ago, and deleted them all.

Last Friday, I got an email from him:

So…. Hi… 🙂 For some odd reason I feel the compelling need to say hi. 🙂

Again, a couple of days of steamy emails. Still kicking himself. Still has a girlfriend. I got fed up, and sent the following:

I am indeed a redhead. And you know what they say about redheads.

Listen up, cause I’m gonna say this once. And please excuse me if I’m blunt, but I never picked up that HR niceness that I probably should have. But I have always been very, very sorry that I let you out of my life due to my impatience, and gave up something that could have been really good for that wanker I married. But I did, and it can’t be undone. Bad timing, indeed.

I thought of you often – very often – during my marriage, which was not a good one, and was something that I regretted from the very beginning. One of my first thoughts after my ex moved out was that I should get in contact with you, and see if perhaps we could start from where we left off. Well, of course your life had moved on – as well it should – and we were again subject to bad timing. But, I had to know.

And, now, ten months after I last hear from you, I get a hi, and a few days of some pretty steamy emails. But, you have a girlfriend. And that’s fine – but I’ve been in enough relationships – good and bad – to know that when one of the parties is looking up an old flame, something is not right in the relationship.

It’s not for me to judge, nor tell you what to do, or give unsolicited advice.

But I’ve also been the “other woman” enough to know that I won’t do it again – in any capacity.

I deserve better – and want more from you – than a string of sexy emails. You need to live your life the way you see fit, and so do I. And part of me living my life is not allowing myself to be played like this.

The response I got:

Fair enough, and I fully deserve far harsher words. You are right, you deserve more. Actually you are right about a whole lot. You’re right to want more, you’re right about my current relationship. And I appologize, it really isn’t my MO to be a jerk.

My lunch offer stands, as a platonic jesture, to catch up on two ships who have crossed paths.

So, I’ve agreed to have lunch with him – tomorrow. And I’ll wear a short skirt, and be all sorts of fabulous. And he’ll see what he’s missed out on. And so will I. As much as I would like to think that he’ll be overwhelmed by me and immediately dump the gf and declare his undying love for me, I know that won’t happen. But a girl can always dream, can’t she….?


The best way out…. November 30, 2004

Filed under: adventures in dating,le divorce,work work work — Diana @ 7:54 pm

…is through, to paraphrase the Robert Frost quote that Sarah emailed me this morning.

And what am I trying to get through? Well, life in general is a bit sucky right now, and I am feeling a bit “why-me” ish. The major categories:


Busy. Lots and lots of meeting from now until December 20. And lots of office politic-y drama, which I bloody hate. And, to keep me nice and confused, the starter of all of the drama, and instigator of lots of gossip, was especially nice to me today, which makes me paranoid, because most days I barely get anything unless she wants something. Maybe she wants something. And, just because I am feeling petty, the payroll schedule is changing from semi-monthly to bi-weekly. Ok, maybe I’m a freak, but I loved being able to budget semi-monthly!! Although, there is that third paycheck phenomena that I seem to remember being pretty cool….


Not yet final.


Not looking good. Got a call from the caretaker yesterday who informed me that not only is my credit crap (duh), but that there is a notation on my credit report that we “skipped” out on the apartment in Minneapolis (ah, yes, Brad strikes again). So, they will rent to me if I either (a) pay double damage deposit (uh, don’t have it), or (b) get a cosigner (not ready for that one yet). They are not “denying” me, but they want to do more “research”. Even best case scenario, there ain’t no way that I am moving in January. Which completely sucks.

Carla’s Wedding

Still on, but I kind of want to kick her mother-in-law for making her so uptight about the whole thing. Damn it, weddings are supposed to be fun, and it just never seems like that for the poor bride.


Sucks a**. Haven’t heard from Andrew in ages. Guess he’s done with me. Can’t even get other boys to reply to my emails. And, being bloated, I’m feeling pretty darn unattractive. And, for some reason, I really, really don’t want to sleep alone tonight. I don’t want sex or anything (well, I guess I wouldn’t turn it down), I’d just like to not be alone at this point in my life, and be able to curl up to someone in our bed, and feel him against me all night. I miss being loved, and am not quite sure how to find it. And right now not feeling terribly confident that I ever will.

In conclusion

For the last almost year, it seems that everytime I get a little bit ahead, or make any kind of plans, or am a bit excited about something, Fate slaps me upside the head and says, “Bitch, who’s in charge here?” and puts everything back the way she likes it. I’m getting irritated with her. But, that obnoxious optimistic side of my personality (the one that keeps my head out of the oven) tells me that this is all happening for a reason, that I will be a better person for it, and that everything will work out the way that it is supposed to.

That side had better be right.


Paranoia November 23, 2004

Filed under: adventures in dating — Diana @ 8:18 pm

One thing that I hate about myself: I get so excited about something, and then it doesn’t come to fruition (or just doesn’t go the way I thought it would), and then I am not only broken-hearted, but then angry at myself about being so excited in the first place, and setting myself up for a disappointment. So, knowing that about myself makes me question every friggin’ little thing so that I am NOT disappointed, and that leads to paranoia.

Damn me.

So, why the rant? Because I am currently in the state of paranoia about Andrew. To recap: first date a week ago Sunday. Fabulous time all last week – saw him four times. Spend the night on Saturday/Sunday at his house, after which he scraped my windows and told me it was “his job” (sigh). When I asked if I would talk to him later, he said “yes” in a way that made me think that I would.

Haven’t heard from him since. And have I called him? No, because I am worried that I have scared him off with a couple of questions that I asked him on Saturday (“Am I the only person you’re dating?” “Do you like me as much with my clothes on?”) and/or that I will be too forward and/or that he is going to tell me that he’s met someone else (like the last half dozen boys that I’ve liked have). Paranoia.

And is there a reasonable explanation for why I haven’t heard from him? Probably. Am I too scared to find out what it is? Yes. Am I an idiot? Very possibly.

Damn it. I hate, hate, hate having to date again.


Sigh….. November 21, 2004

Filed under: adventures in dating — Diana @ 9:05 am

Andrew. Sigh.

So, we went out on our first date last Sunday night (Olive Garden, Burnsville). I was not terribly interested in going, as he seemed a bit boring…real short emails, quick phone conversations….just wasn’t sure what to think of that.

But, it turns out that he’s actually just kind of a quiet guy (which I can deal with) and we had a good time at Olive Garden (of note: the waitress that was over 70 if she was a day – couldn’t carry her own tray – was of some fun to us). Invited him back Chez Di for a movie (he picked American Beauty – excellent choice), and he ended up spending the night. 🙂

Saw him again briefly Wednesday night, when I got back from Meeker County, and then again Friday night when he joined Sarah and I for dinner at my place (spaghetti – I thought it was a damn poor effort, but they liked it).

Last night, he decided to take off work (he’s a nursing assistant at Fairview Southdale (where I also used to work) because he and a friend got tickets to the Vikings game today, and he wanted to go tailgating. So, after Sara’s Tastefully Simple party (consultant: John Haggerty) and our jaunt to go see Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (excellently funny), I went to his abode and spent the night. Sigh. He’s amazing. And starting to open up a bit, which I am really, really liking. Cute. Great kisser (and other things). Funny. Sweet. Sigh.

This morning, there was frost on my windows, and he scraped them for me. I thanked him, and he replied with, “That’s my job.”

Aw. I think I’ll keep him around. Sigh.


Preparations for a New Life November 14, 2004

Filed under: adventures in dating,le divorce,life in the city — Diana @ 3:09 pm

Yay! Only four days to go until the papers actually get signed! I talked to the lawyer on Friday, and found that I actually have to file the original paperwork that I filed out, and pay my $245 filing fee. Then, I sign on Thursday, and she’ll file on Friday (hopefully). According to her estimate, it will be final in three weeks – tops.

As such, the Great Apartment Hunt started yesterday. Sarah and I went and checked out some swell areas of St. Paul (in the Grand Avenue/St. Thomas/St. Katherine areas) and wrote down a bunch of possibilities. I called on some this morning, and so far the main problem seems to be the lack of a dining room (or a sizable dining room) in a lot of those places. With Grandma Hank’s massive furniture, I need somewhere to put it. I continue to be amazed at the low prices of rentals (yay!) – I called on a beautiful duplex yesterday that had two bedrooms and a basement family room type thing, and it was only $1,100 (but had been on the market so long, they were willing to haggle). It’s much more money and room than I want, but a FANTASTIC deal. Everything else has been below what I was hoping to pay, and far below what I would pay if need be.

I do have an appointment to look at a place tomorrow night, so we’ll see how that looks.

In dating news: I have decided that Andy is a bit too scarred to pursue at this time, but we remain friends, and talk a few times a week (mostly by email).

Nathan, the long haired bloke, has been a bit distant, and I’m not sure what’s up with him. Although he hasn’t called in a few days, I have been included in a couple of emails from him – one on the election and one to help advertise an upcoming show that he’s producing (no desire to go and see someone who was once with Anthrax…). I don’t know about him. Nice, sexy (damn it, I am a child of the 80’s…I LOVE long hair!). We’ll see.

Have a date with Andrew the nurse tonight. Olive Garden in Burnsville. He’d better be more fun than he is on the phone. Shy, I can deal with. Boring needs to go away.