Last night I went to bed, all full of hope. Today was the day that I was not only going to get the piece of glass out of my foot, but since I was going to be at the doc anyway, I was going to have a blood draw to confirm what I already knew in my heart…that I was pregnant.
It was hard to go to sleep, but when I finally did, I had this dream:
I was living in a post-apocalyptic world. Almost everyone had died, and those of us that had survived were pooling our resources and trying to live as normally as possible. Like, there were still some tv and radio stations running, and the grocery stores still had a few things. The yarn store still had plenty of stock (not obsessed. Not even a little bit.) I was living in a big house with a bunch of survivors, and it had a huge attic which not only had tons of cool shit in it (and kept expanding as I kept exploring), but the ghosts of two children that I befriended. The girl had been born in 1907, and the boy in 1905, but he was so much smaller that I knew he had died at a younger age than his sister.
I had to leave the attic at some point, and went downstairs to watch TV. One of the only shows still on was, of course, All in the Family.
Archie’s family was also living in a post apocalyptic world, and Gloria/Sally Struthers was upset because, as the entire population was dying off, she would never know love. I so clearly remember those words.
Watching the show, I was devastated, because I realized that in the short time we all had left, I would also never know love. My entire dream and mood took on those horrible air of despair. What made it worse was that when I tried to explain it to Ashton Kucher, he totally didn’t get it.
I woke up feeling empty inside. Just…empty. I can’t think of a better way to put it. Even though I knew that I DO know love, and that the apocalypse probably didn’t happen in the night (although we did get rain, an event this summer so rare it kinda does seem to have it’s own significance), I just couldn’t shake the horrible feeling I had.
While I was up anyway, I decided to pee. And found that I had my period.