Di Has Stories…

(and they’re all true)

Curses and Insults September 8, 2006

Filed under: bitching,blog dump,fun stuff — Diana @ 12:59 pm

I have some hatred going on right now.

I’m not going to go into a lot of detail, but there is someone that is only peripherally in my life right now that I really.fucking.hate.  You know who you are.  You are causing me and mine considerable harm and heartbreak right now, and for that, you deserve some bad fucking karma coming your way.  If there is any way that I can speed up that karma, I certainly will. 

I was reading a book that I got through Paperback Swap last night about insults (forgive me, I’ll have to update the name of the book later – I left it at home) and there was a particularly good curse in there.  While I have not yet been able to find it this morning, I did find the Biblical Curse Generator.  Oh, and if you want to see some wonky, bible-thumping madness, Google “biblical curses”.  Seriously.

Since I can’t find the one I want, I’ll have to make due with some other good ones I’ve found today:


  • § You will be defeated in every engagement you take part in and in every assembly you attend you will be spat on and reviled.
  • § May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can’t find you with a telescope.
  • § May you melt off the earth like snow off the ditch.


  • § Cursed be your mother’s anus. Cursed be your father’s testicles. (Traditional Yoruba verbal dueling curse)
  • § May you wander over the face of the earth forever, never sleep twice in the same bed, never drink water twice from the same well, and never cross the same river twice in a year. (Traditional gypsy curse)



  • § You have a head, and so has a pin. (Jonathan Swift)
  • § He had delusions of adequacy. (Walter Kerr)
  • § He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends. (Oscar Wilde)
  • § He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death. ( H. H. Munro)
  • § Ordinarily he is insane. But he has lucid moments when he is only stupid. (Heinrich Heine)
  • § Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee later than others. (Kin Hubbard)
  • § Where others have hearts, he carries a tumor of rotten principles. (Jack London)
  • § Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome. (Oscar Levant)
  • § His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. (Mae West)
  • § I can’t believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest. (Steven Pearl)
  • § I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. (Mark Twain)
  • § I thought men like that shot themselves. (King George V)
  • § They don’t hardly make ’em like him any more – but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway. (Hunter S. Thompson)
  • § You’re a good example of why some animals eat their young. (Jim Samuels)
  • § He’s as big as a gorilla and as strong as a gorilla. If he was as smart as a gorilla he’d be fine. (Sam Bailey)


  • § All of your ancestors must number in the millions; it’s hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you.
  • § Alone: In bad company.
  • § At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people – you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!
  • § Can I borrow your face for a few days while my ass is on vacation?
  • § If shit was music, you’d be an orchestra.
  • § You are living proof that manure can sprout legs and walk.
  • § He was about as useless as the Pope’s testicles.
  • § May your soul rest in eternal piss.

Don’t Like Any of These? Find Your Own!

Elizabethan Curse Generator

List of Fictional Expletives


Random Insult Generator


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