Di Has Stories…

(and they’re all true)

Regrets….I’ve had a few…. February 1, 2005

Filed under: adventures in dating — Diana @ 9:39 pm

And one of them sent me an email last week.

About three and a half years ago, I met Dean on Yahoo personals (back when they were free!). After a bunch of emails (like, 20 a day) we got together – our first date was at the MIA, and due to an ongoing joke we’d had about my knees, I bought my first short skirt in years to wear to the date (I still have it). He was wounded (just like I like ’em) from a recent divorce. We hit it off, talked for hours.

Went out a few more times – took him to the fire tower in my St. Paul neighborhood (I was hoping he’d kiss me – he didn’t). We both got off early on September 11, and hung out that afternoon, talking about what had gone on.

He went on a sabbatical in late September – the company he worked for at the time gave every employee six paid weeks off every four years to do whatever you wanted. He rented a cabin in Wisconsin to go muskie fishing (he’s a fanatic). Kissed me for the first time as he was leaving my place the night before he left. Called me from a bar in town (no phone in the cabin) the last weekend of his sabbatical, and decided to come home early to see me. Made out like bandits that night, until he ran away. Didn’t hear from him for a couple weeks.

In the meantime, I meet FW. Shagged him. Had to tell Dean that I couldn’t see him anymore, because my rule of thumb is once you shag someone, you should not be shagging anyone else (and I SO SO wanted Dean…but he wasn’t ready).

Two months later, Dean emailed me to see if it was his turn. But I was already engaged…he lamented the bad timing.

Flash forward two years. FW has left me. The divorce is in the works. And I swear on everything that is sacred to me, one of the first thoughts I had after FW left was, I need to get in contact with Dean.

Because, I had never forgotten about him. Regretted that I had given him up for FW – someone who so could have been a match for someone who so wasn’t. Thought about him all the time. And even FW knew it – one time when he was lamenting about how I could have done better, I told him about Dean, and, trying to be a good wife, told him that I had chosen HIM over someone who was successful in his career, owned his own home, etc. And I think that he knew that I was carrying a torch for Dean.

So, I did a bit of research, and while I couldn’t remember his email address, I did find his real address online. So, I dropped him a card – hey, how you doing, wanna catch up sort of thing. Figured I’d never hear anything.

Two days later, I got an email from Dean.

Then followed three days of flirtatious email. Very steamy. When I finally asked him out, he informed me that he had a gf. Not cool. But lamented how he should have taken the opportunity that was presented to him in the past. Told me that he was still kicking himself, and had replayed that night over and over in his mind, but changed the ending….

So, I wrote him off. Had a girlfriend. Well, at least I knew. Bad timing again. And maybe just not meant to be altogether. Being the sentimental fool that I am, I kept all of his emails. Finally decided it was stupid a couple weeks ago, and deleted them all.

Last Friday, I got an email from him:

So…. Hi… 🙂 For some odd reason I feel the compelling need to say hi. 🙂

Again, a couple of days of steamy emails. Still kicking himself. Still has a girlfriend. I got fed up, and sent the following:

I am indeed a redhead. And you know what they say about redheads.

Listen up, cause I’m gonna say this once. And please excuse me if I’m blunt, but I never picked up that HR niceness that I probably should have. But I have always been very, very sorry that I let you out of my life due to my impatience, and gave up something that could have been really good for that wanker I married. But I did, and it can’t be undone. Bad timing, indeed.

I thought of you often – very often – during my marriage, which was not a good one, and was something that I regretted from the very beginning. One of my first thoughts after my ex moved out was that I should get in contact with you, and see if perhaps we could start from where we left off. Well, of course your life had moved on – as well it should – and we were again subject to bad timing. But, I had to know.

And, now, ten months after I last hear from you, I get a hi, and a few days of some pretty steamy emails. But, you have a girlfriend. And that’s fine – but I’ve been in enough relationships – good and bad – to know that when one of the parties is looking up an old flame, something is not right in the relationship.

It’s not for me to judge, nor tell you what to do, or give unsolicited advice.

But I’ve also been the “other woman” enough to know that I won’t do it again – in any capacity.

I deserve better – and want more from you – than a string of sexy emails. You need to live your life the way you see fit, and so do I. And part of me living my life is not allowing myself to be played like this.

The response I got:

Fair enough, and I fully deserve far harsher words. You are right, you deserve more. Actually you are right about a whole lot. You’re right to want more, you’re right about my current relationship. And I appologize, it really isn’t my MO to be a jerk.

My lunch offer stands, as a platonic jesture, to catch up on two ships who have crossed paths.

So, I’ve agreed to have lunch with him – tomorrow. And I’ll wear a short skirt, and be all sorts of fabulous. And he’ll see what he’s missed out on. And so will I. As much as I would like to think that he’ll be overwhelmed by me and immediately dump the gf and declare his undying love for me, I know that won’t happen. But a girl can always dream, can’t she….?

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