Every year, there is a contest where people can take an existing word, change one letter to make a new word, and define it. Here are this year’s winners:
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: When everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes and then the Earth explodes.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole
And, here, the Sara(h)s use their new words in conversation:
We’ve been kicking around the idea of moving into another home, but the thought of being any more cashtrated than we already are is too painful.
Just think, if you got a larger home, you might be a victim of giraffiti. With your height issue, it would be difficult for you to clean this off without a ladder.
If I fell off a ladder and died cleaning my large home’s roof, I would hope that John would not end up with osteopornosis in my absence.
Who do you think George W. Bush was before he was reintarnated as a Texas politician?
Perhaps he was a man with a lot of glibido, something he still suffers from today.
Why do white men, in general (as in not Jimmy at least), look like they are having a arachnoleptic fit when they try to dance?
I regularly experience the presence of beelzebug in the upper room of the cabin on July weekends.
The only time that I can survive a dose of decafalon is when I am not working and I can sleep until 9 AM and eat late meals that end up being healthy because I am too lazy to fix anything but a salad.
I am looking forward to the annual celebration of intaxication that will happen in February or March this year, no matter how small or fleeting the money may be.
John Cosgrove is the only person that makes me feel like I have a bozone issue. Thank god, it’s only for one night a month that I feel this way and that many others experience this as well!
It is safely said that Sara’s last two bosses at Mervyn’s could both be classified as complete ignoranuses.
People seem to succumb to the Dopeler Effect when they are looking for solutions in the workplace. This is why our careers in HOD will be steady and entertaining for us.
I’m afraid that our good friend Dave has a serious case of hipatitis. I hope that it is contagious.
I tend to experience a lot of sarchasm when I am emailing/IMing people who do not understand my sense of humor. I tend to confuse them because they think I am being serious for some reason.
Because John didn’t tell me he was sleeping in today, I had to inoculatte myself at Caribou this morning.
I almost gaged and turned caterpallor when I looked at the apple I bit into and found half a bug sticking out. I promptly spit that piece of apple out!
The duck blog was fun when it started, but quickly turned into Karmageddon before the holidays. (tee hee hee)
When Diana uses Match.com to meet men, she has to filter through a lot of foreploy in order to find a guy that is a keeper. Too bad her foreploy meter is out of service.