Blog Dump, Long Overdue September 15, 2008

Category: Adorable (All from Cute Overload)

Category: Adorable AND Funny
Hedge Fund « Lolcats ‘n’ Funny Pictures of Cats – I Can Has Cheezburger?

Category: Word

Hooman needs bebeh « Loldogs, Dogs ‘n’ Puppy Dog Pictures – I Has A Hotdog!

LOLTheist: Blasphemy is Teh Funneh » Blog Archive » We ain’t no Kansas

Something to Live For Cartoon | Savage Chickens – Cartoons on Sticky Notes by Doug Savage

Category: Just Plain Funny

What I Imagine My Cat Is Doing When I’m At Work « GraphJam

The Brain At Work « GraphJam

#109 The Onion « Stuff White People Like
Mad Magazine on Sarah Palin – Boing Boing

Category: Why Don’t I Ever Hear Awesome Stuff?

Someone Will Try That Next Year by Overheard in Minneapolis

6-year-old boy: MOM! I WANT A COOKIE.
Mom: If you don’t start behaving you’re going to turn into a deep-fried boy on a stick at the state fair.

Wayzata, Yacht Club

Category: Good Reading

NYC tap water in bottles – Boing Boing

Fat Lot of Good » Blog Archive » What matters

Womanist Musings: The Anti-Rape Condom, Your Vagina and You

I was told there would be bacon.: When is a cupcake not a cupcake?

If I Ran the Universe…: You Matter

pissoff: Life on the farm

Category: I’m Ashamed to be an American (again) (still) (but proud of these writers)

Fourth grader suspended for using broken pencil sharpener – Boing Boing

TSA declares war on large breasts – Boing Boing

Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants: No Birth Control for You Because It’s Against My Religion

Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants: Abstinence-Only Education is a Huge Success!*

Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants: Oh, the Hypocrisy

I was told there would be bacon.: Stop pandering to me.

SNAFU-ed …. Situation Normal: Who’s Elite? Cindy McCain and Her $300,000 Outfit

A Softer World: 353 (It’s only a matter of time, really)

Category: Good To Know

HOWTO trick your printer into using ALL its ink – Boing Boing

Category: Random Quotes that I’ve Picked Up
I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights – Maya Angelou

Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard – Anne Sexton

Category: A Sad, Sad Day

Remembering David Foster Wallace | Salon Books

Blog Dump – Long Past Due July 28, 2008

In Which We See Cute Things and Receive Spiritual Guidance from I Can Has Cheezburger

In Which We See Awesome Things That I Or Someone I Love Need To Purchase Post Haste

Pickle Jar With Fork from Ooh-Shiny.Net  (Sarah, I’m looking at you)

The Agreeable Sheep from Ooh-Shiny.Net  (Heather?)

Puppet Hoodie from Ooh-Shiny.Net (This one is for me, but it’s not in my size….do these things stretch in the wash?)

The Urban Homestead: Your Guide to Self-sufficient Living in the Heart of the City on Boing Boing.  (Sarah, you again)

Roku: $100 gadget for watching Netflix movies on your TV (Freaking EVERYONE!  This looks awesome!!)

Portable cardboard toilet on BoingBoing.  Yes, the Shit Box.  My beloved has decided that, because we only have one bathroom, he needs a bucket with a toilet seat in the garage in case we both have the flu or something at the same time.  Last time we were at Home Depot he bought the seat for it.  For the record, I have been lobbying for the installation of a random basement toilet, but so far he’s not going for it.  As a resonable second, I think that we should at least get a shit box.  If I’m going to be emptying my bowels in the garage, I want a proper receptacle.  Those of you that Twitter will find that this is my new icon.  This is why I should never, ever show Christy funny stuff while I am drunk.  When she says, “that would make a great icon”, I’m on it like white on rice.  However, even when I sobered up I still thought it was pretty awesome.

In Which We Have A Commentary On My Job, Which I Am Not Currently Working

From GraphJam:

In Which The Holiest Part of Christianity is Blasphemed for Our Personal Pleasure

From Loltheist:

In Which We Listen In On Conversations:

So I’m Sorry I Did That, Amber  (from Overheard Everywhere)

English teacher: Calling someone a douche is not a constructive comment, even if it’s true.
Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina

The Pen Had It Comin’! (from Overheard in Minneapolis)

Metro Transit phone employee (on speakerphone): Take the sixteen bus towards…
18 year old girl trying to get directions: Wait, wait you’re talking too fast and my pen died.
Metro Transit phone employee: You killed your pen? You heartless BITCH.

Univeristy/ sixteen bus line
Overheard by Death to ink.

Relax, I’m Just Horngry (from Overheard in the Office)

Financial specialist, in front of his pregnant wife/coworker: God, I would nail someone if they had some bacon right now!
Wife/coworker: What the hell is wrong with you?
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: God Help Me

Then How Come It Got Me More Time on My SATs? (from Overheard in the Office)

Boss on phone: That is not clinical! Being an asshole is not a clinical condition.
Ginko Industrial Park
Warminster, Pennsylvania

Is It Still a Place Where You Wash Your Hands? (from Overheard in the Office)

Kitchen grunt: You ever poop and suddenly find the world a better place?
Main Street
Greenwood, Indiana
Overheard by: RDC

In Which We Are Surprised.  Wait, No We Aren’t

U.S. still flunks healthcare test, group says

Absolutely fucking OUTRAGEOUS! by Paulius

Fox’s “Anti-Aging Fix” for McCain by Technology Expert

Larry Craig, Daniel Vitter Co-Sponsors of “Marriage Protection Amendment” by Technology Expert

Vampire babies on the attack! by Jen

In Which I Have A Whole Other List of Books To Check Out

List of every book read by Art Garfunkel since 1968.  I’d like to point out that Art started this list the very month and year that my beloved was born.  And that while Art is referenced in this article as a “voracious” reader, he averages about two books per month.  This year, I am averaging two per year.  And I really need to get going on cataloging them.

Speaking of books, some of my favorite books when I was a kid (and even now, I’ll admit it) were the Anne of Green Gables series by L.M. Montgomery. 100 Candles Anne of Green Gables grows old and gets her due. When my mom introduced me to Anne, the books were actually out of print in the states, and I read the same copies that she had read as a child…the hardbound editions with all of the dust covers missing.  For years I thought I was named after Diana Barry, Anne’s best friend, my dad recently told me he picked the name from the Paul Anka song.  When my oldest sister was born, when I was 11, I was allowed to pick her middle name.  I choose Anne.  Although my sister didn’t grow up to be a sassy redhead (wait, yeah she did), she can at least say – for sure! – that she was named after Anne of Green Gables.

In Which I Find New Websites to Waste My Time With

Things I Should Throw Out: Clippings From The Eighties

In Which I’m Just….Amazed.  And A Bit Disturbed

Man electrocutes pickle to demonstrate power of Christianity So, because I don’t love Jebus, I will not glow in the dark and I can’t make any difference in the world?  What?

In Which I’m Just Amazed

The Pregnant Man.  I cried recently when I learned that Thomas Beatie and his wife had safely delivered their little girl.  While I might just be a little sensitive about the whole having-babies thing right now, it makes me so happy when people who desperately want children are able to have them, in whatever way it happens.  Birth, adoption, whatever – these people wanted an expression of their love for each other in the form of a child, and they were able to do it in an unconventional way.  It’s beautiful.  It would have been beautiful if they’d been able to do it in a “normal” way, too, but then the rest of us wouldn’t have been able to share in the joyous birth of a child who was so, so wanted.

In Which There Is a Gratuitous Post About Bacon

Bacon mania

Let me talk about all the things that are right about this post.  First of all PORK WEEK HAS A FUCKING ICON.  And, there is an entire week dedicated to PORK, nature’s perfect food. WITH AN ICON.  Damn, I might need to make that into a button or something.  Oh, the article was pretty awesome too.  And has a bacon suit.  Seriously, this might be the single most satisfying read of my entire life.  Should I add it to my yet-to-be-designed list of books?  No, cause it’s not a book.  But if it were, I’d be reading it.  And eating bacon and other assorted pork products.

In Which Women Smarter Than I Talk About Life and Other Big Things

Is HAES Unhealthy? by Well-Rounded Mama

Yeah, whatever, Kate Moss by peggynature

The cult of dieting by attrice

Possibly, The Most Tasteless CUSS Post to Date by Suzanne

ChronicBit: Lab tests demystified Via Lab Tests Online, where you can search for just about any test and learn what it means. Excellent tool for us Babes… thanks for the top, ChronicPal Shannon!

Family Pride by Happy Villain

Eye-Opener by Happy Villain

Teh Fat. It Kills (me) October 4, 2007

TGIT! Thank Goodness It’s Thursday!

Organization at Which I Am Employed has decided to celebrate customer service appreciation week in a novel way this year. Instead of having one week jam-packed with appreciation for the work that we slaves employees do everyday, they have spread it out over five Thursdays.

Since I try to keep my employer semi-anonymous, it’s hard for me to fully explain the asshattery that is the premise of a lot of our “wellness” programs. Let’s just say it’s a wheel, with five sections. Each section represents an area of “wholeness” that you need in order to be a fully functioning, god-fearing person. The actual premise is good, but the execution sometimes lacks.

So, the TGIT program is focusing on one area of the wheel each week. This week, we are focusing on physical wellness. Chair massages were available (yum) and a lecture given on “healthy cooking.”

I had no intention of going to said lecture, as I was pretty sure that it was just going to piss me off. However, a lack of meaningful tasks, and the encouragement of two of my work buddies got me in the room. I figured I can always use some more recipes.

Imagine my disappointment when this ended up being a seminar on ATKINS IS GOD.

Now, I heart Atkins. It was the one diet that I could stay on, because anything that lets me eat an unlimited amount of bacon, steak, and cheese and be able say, Oh, I’m on Atkins! when questioned about my poor eating habits made me all happy. However, it falls in the area of Diet, and The Royal We no longer diets. Or talks about diets. Or encourages people on diets. We don’t like them. And they are bad for us.

The co-worker and her husband that did the presentation (complete with Splendarific brownies! And ice cream! That taste like ass!) have lost 34 and 57 pounds, respectively. Good for them. Obviously, they don’t realize:

• Diets don’t work
• They will regain all that weight, and then some
• Eventually, they are going to go back to their natural weight
• There’s not a whole fucking lot you can really do about that
• But they’ve just messed up their metabolism
• And caused more health problems than they started out with

My co-worker said that they started this because she was ordered by her doctor to lose 70 pounds. Knowing this woman, I am guessing that it’s because they have been trying, unsuccessfully, for many years to have a child. When will doctors learn that teh fat doesn’t cause infertility, but may indeed be a symptom of another problem? Maybe they should have a look-see at that, easily solved, problem instead of sending this poor woman on a wild-goose chase.

The entire presentation was here’s how we gave up everything we loved, have convinced ourselves that using chemicals in processed foods is far superior to eating real food, and we’ve lost weight…and so should you!

I was right. It did piss me off.

However, it didn’t piss me off as much as the reaction of my other co-workers. I feel that newly successful dieters are just like the born-again variety of any religion. They are all gung-ho for a while (Splenda is great! Jesus loves me! Ask me how!) and then either (a) they realize what idiots they’ve been; or (b) you start avoiding them.

My co-workers, however, were entranced. All day, the women around me have been talking about how they need to go on a diet, and how they want to do what these other people have done, and how inadequate they are because they are not perfect.

WTF?

I have used this as my opportunity to deploy some of my new fat-activism skillz, and I have to say that I am depressed at the responses I am getting. When I tell these friends that they are perfect the way they are, and that to try to change it is not only silly but dangerous, they all give me the same stock answer of, but it’s bad for me to be this fat.

Says who?

The doctor/the media/I just know it is

Really? Did you do the research yourself? Have you read any unbiased, non-diet-industry funded reports? Do you realize that the “ideal” BMI range is not only bullshit, but has been reduced? Do you realize that “overweight” people live longer than “underweight” people? That the trick to health is to get off your ass and move once in a while and eat non-plastic food whether or not this makes you lose weight?

And then I get the look that says you’re just justifying this to yourself because you’re fat and you can’t lose weight.

In homage to Kate Harding’s fan-fucking-tabulous project, I present you with me*:

My name is Diana. I am 5’8″ and I weigh 227 pounds.

I am perfect the way I am.

 

*Apparently, I haven’t had any pictures taken of me since our wedding in March. I guess I’m always taking them instead of posing for them! This one was taken in January, 2007.

From the recesses of teh interwebs…. September 7, 2007

Where you fall in poll of U.S. reading habits – CNN.com
This makes me sad.  One in FOUR American’s haven’t read a book in the last year.  I average over 70 a year…I know that I’m a more voracious reader than most, but seriously?  A quarter of the population doesn’t read at all??? 

In that vein, here is one of the quotes of the day:

Logan Pearsall Smith

“People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.”

Stuff On My Cat: Words can’t express how awesome this is.

Stuff On My Cat: Oh yes, revenge will be mine.


Her job?

Gosh, I’m glad MY husband doesn’t see it this way (although I have a sneaking suspicion that my EX would have loved this).

Overheard Everywhere | Can’t Wait ’til They Go Up against Hillary’s Flying Monkeys

Can’t Wait ’til They Go Up against Hillary’s Flying Monkeys

Girl #1: How come the pigeons don’t die when they hop on that third rail?
Girl #2: Because they’re Dick Cheney’s unholy army of the night.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: I’m glad I couldn’t vote back then

Overheard in the Office | But I Guess My Underling Will Have to Do
Dispatcher peering into Tupperware container: I am so sick of kielbasa I could kick Jesus in the shins!

Emergency center
Pennsylvania

Foregound Background 3598 on Flickr – Photo Sharing!

Have I mentioned yet today how much I love the love graffiti? 

IMG_8174 on Flickr – Photo Sharing!
This one won’t let me copy it, but go take a look – it just tickles my funnybone!

widen on Flickr – Photo Sharing!
These three images rock.



Feed Me!: Another missed opportunity

A Job in Hell: Why I Work

Amen.  A-men.

Bitch Ph.D.

The-f-word.org » Blog Archive » Brains optional in Miss Teen USA pageant
This makes baby Jebus cry.

Cute Overload!
I <3 hippos! 

And now, for some hedgie goodness:

Cute Overload!

Poor baby hedges. Have a hairbrush for a Mom. Could be worse. Could be a Marlboro Light.

For more on this story, check out the Daily Mail UK.

Another sign I need in the future hedgie room:
hedgehog`s crossing! on Flickr – Photo Sharing!

Baby Hedgies!!!  From White belly hedgehog – 3 days old on Flickr – Photo Sharing!

This is how I feel first thing in the morning: GIMME MAI COFFEH! « I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?

She Dances On The Sand: Ban the Grays!

Savage Chickens: Monday Ritual Cartoon

And, finally for this week, some photos I loved on Flickr:

DSCF3026.JPG on Flickr – Photo Sharing!
thecurseofbrian does the best graffitti photos ever!

(this one made me think of Boris!)

Free Bacon Night!!! (?) on Flickr – Photo Sharing!
HOOK ME UP!!!!!!!!

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I’m a sucker for these things May 23, 2007

Here are the rules.  Google your name with the following words (needs, is, likes, wants, gets, says, does, and eats) and post the results.

Diana Needs...

Diana needs a wealthy husband who can provide her with the high life she craves while sheltering her from the media clamor that follows her every move.  Thank FSM I found Jeff…he’s excellent at shooing the paparazzi! 

Diana needs a hug.   (Check out the adorable photo!)

Diana needs a nickname.  No thanks – got plenty!

Diana needs a forever home.   Isn’t that the truth.  Does anyone need a lovely one bedroom condo in the University area??

Diana needs to come over and turn my charming studio into a warehouse loft!

Diana Is…

Diana is on the northeast border of the county and is northeast of Watertown.  Hell, with my sense of direction, that could actually be true.

Diana is the most popular of the Wiccan goddesses, for several reasons.  Mostly because of her killer stroganoff. 

Diana, is much younger and was originally born on Earth.  If you still consider California “Earth”, sure!

Diana is an amazing talent.  Am I now a party trick?  As in, “Check it out – she’s going to do a Diana!”

Diana is now developiong a membership of concerned travelers with a database that will allow the flying community to easily communicate with each other.  That sounds even more dull than my job.

Diana Likes…

Diana likes blowjob two at the same time.  Uh…I don’t even know what to say about that.  Diana has never tried that, and Diana also uses better grammar.

Diana likes prostitutes.  Diana’s kind of a pig.

Diana likes location work because it combines her abilities as a studio lighting photographer with that of an available light lover.    Hmmm…..less dirty…..that’s nice….

Diana likes to block her head with gelato.   Wha…?

Diana likes to wake up early and run on a treadmill for 30 minutes.  No, she surely doesn’t.  

Diana Gets…

Diana gets the word out.

Diana gets better commenters than me.   I don’t know who this other Diana is, but I bet she does.  I mean, my commenters are fantastic, but they don’t say much.  I read all these other blogs that have lots of comments, and then I feel all inferiour.  Don’t contribute to the decline of my self-esteem…say something!

Diana gets the slipper.  I run too hot for slippers most of the time, but I’d get Jeff’s for him.

Diana gets an assignment to write about Janice’s death.  Which will be difficult, what with not knowing Janice and all.

Diana gets court approval for $1M credit line hike.  Yes!  Yes!!  Fuck you job!  I’ve got credit, baby, credit!!

Diana Says…

Diana says Good Morning, America!

Diana says, “This fantasy will cross your mind more than once…”  Is this the same Diana of the two men at one time?

Diana says that it’s creepy and Whitney agrees.  We must have been talking about the nasty woman with no bra I saw earlier, but I could have sworn it was Julie…)

Diana says: whether she wins or not,  she will persevere.  Diana does not say that, but will from now on.

Diana says she would love to give Mariah Carey and Christina Aguilera singing lessons.  Wouldn’t we all?
Diana does…

Diana does not admire him, and that there are time when she wishes he were different.  Sorry, W.  Is IS you.

Diana does not appreciate a jealous, possessive partner.

Diana does the old Sinatra song “I’ve Got You Under My Skin.”  And people flee in terror.

Diana, does your daughter still gasp for breath while talking?  Shit, I have a daughter? I better go make sure she’s breathing! 

Diana does not succumb to the wishes of others.

Diana Eats…

Diana eats at least 9 to 14 servings of fruits and vegetables per day – that’s two or three fruits with each mean plus abundant vegetables.   Diana must be a regular girl.

Diana eats two portions before running outside to play.  Is that how she gets all those fruits and vegetables in?

Diana eats bacon cheeseburgers trying to feed her appetite.  Now we’re talking…bacon!

Diana eats and says she wants better food.  Whitney notes that Diana wants to lose some weight.  Whoever this Whitney is seems to know me pretty well…

Anyone game for this one?  It’s pretty fun!

I’m Not Sure If I Ever Blogged About My Bacon Theory…. November 10, 2006

But I no longer have to because there’s….

Go there.  NOW.